I haven't posted in forever. A lot has changed, my grandmother died 2 weeks ago, I'm back at school and having to restart my entire friend base. Life is hard but it's got its up moments: I still have a pantheon of people who love me, i'm enjoying my classes and I have a job. My life is different, and though how I approach it is different, I'm still holding strong to me. A new life....I could be anyone I want and I tried for awhile to be honest.
This year.....December to now.....It's been harder then I ever thought life could be. I'e lost my home, my grandparents, my best friend, and for awhile myself. I wanted to escape,and I hurt myself without thinking. I got help, and I don't do that anymore. I'm certified now as depressed and as having an anxiety disorder. Yet, working through it is bringing me more clarity then I ever imagined it could. My life started again...I feel like me, but amplified...I used to hold back, now I'm free. This year.... I've shed more tears, cracked more jokes, lied more about how I feel, and told the truth about it more then I ever had. It's made me question life itself to the core, and I found that,despite everything, I like my life and who I am, that the people who love me, like who i am, and that those who have passed, they never wanted me to be anything but me.
I want to take a second and apologize for how oddly this is written, it's just how its coming out. But to be honest, I'm not extremely sorry. It's how I want this to be said, I'm only sorry if its hard to read.
My new life, is only to be me, the one that the people who matter love, and to not hold back but continue to amplify myself so that those who have gone don't have to search to hard to find me, and so they smile when they see me.
