A new life

 I haven't posted in forever. A lot has changed, my grandmother died 2 weeks ago, I'm back at school and having to restart my entire friend base. Life is hard but it's got its up moments: I still have a pantheon of people who love me, i'm enjoying my classes and I have a job. My life is different, and though how I approach it is different, I'm still holding strong to me. A new life....I could be anyone I want and I tried for awhile to be honest.

This year.....December to now.....It's been harder then I ever thought life could be.  I'e lost my home, my grandparents, my best friend, and for awhile myself.  I wanted to escape,and  I hurt myself without thinking. I got help, and I don't do that anymore. I'm certified now as depressed and as having an anxiety disorder. Yet, working through it is bringing me more clarity then I ever imagined it could. My life started again...I feel like me, but amplified...I used to hold back, now I'm free. This year.... I've shed more tears, cracked more jokes, lied more about how I feel, and told the truth about it more then I ever had. It's made me question life itself to the core, and I found that,despite everything, I like my life and who I am, that the people who love me, like who i am, and that those who have passed, they never wanted me to be anything but me.

I want to take a second and apologize for how oddly this is written, it's just how its coming out. But to be honest, I'm not extremely sorry. It's how I want this to be said, I'm only sorry if its hard to read.

My new life, is only to be me, the one that the people who matter love, and to not hold back but continue to amplify myself so that those who have gone don't have to search to hard to find me, and so they smile when they see me.

In Arizona!!

So I'm back in Arizona visiting with my mom and having a great time. April was crazy with getting ready for move out and finals. This vacation is well deserved. We're riding bikes and swimming and driving around in mom's Miada. Life doesn't suck. Also been having the opportunity to take photos around the area. Here's a couple:

These are my turtle friends in their fountain in my mom's  neighborhood. I love their coloring and their calm attitude.

These next ones were taken at the local desert botanical center, which me and my mom adore. Very much worth the trip!(link to their website here!)

campus photos: spring edition 2!

So I took another trip around campus with the old camera, and got a couple more good/ interesting shots.

The next two are the inside of some tulips on campus that I thought were just gorgeous with their coloring.

Campus Photos spring edition!

So spring is here and we're having such lovely weather here in Ames, that I felt the need to go out for a pleasant walk. My camera tagged along to document the lovely world I was surrounded by.

Oddities of the day

So today started weird and ended well. I woke up to the balloons above stuck in the tree outside my window. Then me and my friend, Rachel went to the Residence hall carnival outside our dorm. It was super small, but had some Blank Park Zoo animals, including an alligator, a huge rabbit and a screech owl. Then we started filming a movie, its something we've been planning for a little bit. It's sort of a combination of all the different Hallmark movies combined. I was originally just supposed to do the makeup and costuming for it but was thrown in a speaking role when one of the other actresses didn't show up. I play the oldest child with mommy issues, LOL. It went really well and we're filming again next saturday.

Inspiration

So I put a little inspiration board together for the Alice Party. I found some great stuff to use in it including ideas for treats, outside set ups, and pics from the movies.

Flamingos!!

So for the Alice in Wonderland party, we decided to make flamingo decorations to bring in the aspect of the Red Queen's croquet party. Lisa helped me sketch out the outline on the first flamingo, and the second one I did myself. I got to cut, paint and detail them and I'm super proud of them :)

An obsession, or a passion?

So, I love old books. I've read Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility, The Wizard of OZ, and both Alice's adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Of these books, my favorites always were The stories of OZ, Wonderland and Looking Glass-land. Modern day fantasy worlds have never held appeal to me, but these one's where everything's strange and nonsensical but still wondrous and magical in a sense, have always had my heart.

As of late, I've been planning a Mad Tea Party, like that featured in all the incantations of Alice in Wonderland.

The original from Alice's Adventures

Disney's Version of Alice in Wonderland

Tim Burton and Disney's Alice in Wonderland

I'm planning on having my tea party in the summer. I know you're thinking, "It's March....like barely...", my response being- I need a distraction. I have already started planning small things like the invites and made a possible menu, as well as starting to pass out parts to the guest list....yes this will be a costume party...it'll be deliciously silly and fun I think. I'll try and keep you updated on how the plans go :)

new look

So I've changed things up alittle here, both with me personally and with the blog.

I changed the layout to a little more mellow, kinda earthy-esque background. I changed where somethings can be found and stuff on my profile. It's just a treasure trove of new-ness.

As for me, I got my hair chopped away, and my nails painted electric blue! So I'm feeling like a brand new and better me!

The loverly picture here was taken by Lisa while out on a tromp through the woods.

Gone for so long..

So much has changed. I lost my grandma on my dad's side and my grandfather on my mom's side in December. I miss both of them desperately. I had kind of a break down, but I'm getting help and working towards being ok again but things move slowly.....I'll try and write more....even if its just for me.